The Next Best Thing (2000)

Abbie Reynolds (Madonna) and Robert Whittaker (Rupert Everett) fall into an amorous embrace on a fateful 4th of July after a few too many martinis. Robert is a landscaper and gay, which complicates things. Abbie is a yoga instructor who confesses a few weeks later that she is pregnant. Six years later, Robert, Abbie, and their son Sam (Malcolm Stumpf) are living together peacefully and happily--that is, until hunky investment banker Ben Cooper (Benjamin Bratt) starts making eyes at Abbie, throwing their alternative family into disarray. The relationship of a gay man, straight woman, and child falls apart when Abbie falls in love with Ben and wants to move away with him and Robert's little boy, Sam. A nasty, full-of-surprises custody battle ensues between Abbie and Robert.

This comedy-drama was a critical and commercial flop. Madonna won a Razzie award for worst actress, and the film was nominated for other Razzies including Worst Director, Worst Picture and Worst Screenplay. Critic Roger Ebert gave the movie 1 star, stating: "The Next Best Thing is a garage sale of gay issues, harnessed to a plot as exhausted as a junkman's horse." The inept screenplay has cardboard dialogue that sounds like first-draft material--including wailing by Madonna about how she can't find a man, and a gym-buffed Everett complaining about gay male body image.

The movie stumbles from domestic comedy to custody-suit tragedy when it takes a bizarre left turn in the third act. Any statements about new definitions of family are buried underneath these events, which provide teary courtroom outbursts for both leads. Everett has a quick way with a one-liner, and Madonna is more relaxed than she's ever been in a film, but they are just in front of the camera with no help from the supporting cast. Music from the movie is a soundtrack including two songs by singer Madonna, "American Pie" and "Time Stood Still". Tom Ropelewski wrote the screenplay and John Schlesinger directed.

Velocity of Gary (1999)

Valentino (Vincent D'Onofrio) is a former bisexual porn star who is slowly dying of AIDS. He's also one third of a ménage à trois that includes his obnoxious waitress girlfriend Mary Carmen (Salma Hayek) and his boyfriend Gary (Thomas Jane). Gary, a young hustler, resents Mary, but they put aside their differences when Valentino is diagnosed with AIDS, creating a makeshift family to mutually love and support him to the tragic end.

The film opens with Gary (not his real name, nor is it ever revealed), walking through the streets of New York City, cruising to pick up a guy or two. On the way, he saves a deaf drag queen from a group of gay bashers, but regrets it when he follows him everywhere. Enter Mary Carmen, the Latina who is in love with Valentino, Throughout the movie, Mary Carmen and Gary argue over what kind of care he should be receiving, and who is going to supply that care. The real waves of emotion come when the time for Valentino's impending death becomes very short, and the three of them begin to take stock of themselves as well as their relationship with one another.

This movie has good dialogue. The line, "Gary dreams about kissing someone so hard his mouth hurts. He dreams about kissing someone so soft his heart hurts, so long his neck hurts, so deep his throat hurts. Gary dreams about kissing someone so. . . completely that nothing hurts," is genius on the part of the writers. The sexual inuendo in the film, such as the kiss between Valentino and Gary in the phone room, takes it as far as it can without going into the extreme, and the passion between characters is very evident. Searching for one's purpose in life and where life goes is underlined in this movie, which will move its open-minded viewers to tears of sadness as well as joy.

But the movie comes across like a housewife's idea of what life is like "on the edge"--teeming with drugs, wild dancing, and drag queens. There's even a deaf, transgendered, Patsy Cline-wannabe who gets hit by a car while trying to call for an ambulance. The film tries so hard to be outrageous that it's almost offensive--everybody is so busy being dangerously fabulous that nobody seems human. Peitor Angell composed the original music, James Still wrote the screenplay, and Dan Ireland directed.