Advice from a caterpillar (1999)

Missy (Cynthia Nixon) is a pop artist who has great success with her family's cheesy home movies, copying them on video, and then adding wry commentary. She is having an affair with married man "Suit" (Jon Tenny). Her best friend Spaz (Andy Dick) can't seem to keep a relationship or art gig going, and has turned to catering to pay the bills. Afraid of commitment, Missy is happy with her affair with "Suit", provided he remains casual about their relationship. Add to the mix bi-sexual Brat (Timothy Olyphant) who has captured both Spaz and Missy's eyes. Missy and Brat are attracted to each other, but is she willing to ruin a long-term friendship for a one night stand? After all, her artistic career is flourishing, her NYC loft is fabulous, and her relationship with a married man is totally uncomplicated. Brat, who's sweet, genuine and shares her fondness for 1970s sitcoms, is also dating her pal Spaz. When Missy and Brat unexpectedly fall for each other, will she lose her identity and her best friend? As soon as Missy spies the naked Brat sleeping in her gay friend's bed and her eyes betray her interest, we know that they will be together by the end of the film. The final confrontation scene in the diner with a commenting chorus of patrons is meant to be hilarious. But it's too far-fetched and contrived, and there can be no romantic movie if one doesn't care about the characters involved.

This film tells us that any bi-sexual man can be "cured" by the love of a good woman. Yet even accepting this preposterous and insulting premise, it is inconceivable that Brat would have Spaz's homely, effeminate character as a regular sex-partner or fall in love with the irritating Missy. There is little chemistry between Missy and either man. The most interesting thing in this film is the title, derived from "Alice in Wonderland", which plays a key role in the film. Basically it's just another pretentious low budget movie released under the guise of independent film making. John Hill composed the music, and Douglas Carter Beane wrote the screemplay from his own stage play. Don Scardino directed.

10 attitudes (2001)

40 year-old Josh (Jason Stuart) is a mild-mannered gay caterer who came to LA from Cleveland ten years earlier with his significant other, Lyle (Rusty Updegraff). While Lyle has eased comfortably into the LA lifestyle, Josh is still a Midwesterner at heart, and he becomes aware of just how far off base he is when he learns Lyle has been having an affair. He spots Lyle being sexually serviced by a man in the front seat of his red Jaguar convertable and Lyle is tossed out of Josh’s house and his life. Now he finds he's out of step with the Hollywood dating scene. Encouraged by an assortment of cameo players including his sister Leslie (Alexandra Paul), Josh starts to venture out. His friend Brandon (Christopher Cowen) assures him it will only take 10 dates for Josh to find the new man of his dreams, and after getting some fashion advice from flamboyant wardrobe adviser Tex (Jim J. Bullock), Josh hits the Internet looking for love.

However, Josh ends up kissing more than his share of toads as he searches for Mr. Right. He runs through his dates with his sense of humor intact, and he tosses around plenty of funny putdowns along the way. In the funniest moment, Josh finds himself on what he thinks is a date with David Faustino of "Married with Children", playing a version of himself. It turns out David isn’t looking for a boyfriend but rather a gay guy to serve as person number three in the threesome his girlfriend is hoping for. With increasing disbelief, Josh rolls his eyes as David deadpans his way through increasingly perverted scenarios, one of which he’s sure will appeal to Josh. Soon it’s back into the dating pool once again. The movie comes to a abrupt conclusion that makes it seem like the film crew ran out of time and had to wrap things up that very afternoon.

"10 Attitudes" is one of those movies that serves to confirm your suspicions that everyone in the world is crazy except you. Everyone Josh meets is crazy: an actor/hustler, a druggie/actor, a waiter/actor, a waiter/actor/hustler, and a personal trainer/hustler. The screenplay was written by Jason Stuart and Michael O. Gallant, who also directed.